4 days in Portugal

I arrived Friday. My family and Pequenão were waiting for me but I was just a bit too lost to give people any proper attention. Came home and had a nice night talking with my family.
The next day was strange: everything went well but I couldn’t find any strength to phone anyone. I was just hopping people would call me. I knew most of them were away because it was the Easter weekend anyway… I said to no one I was here and still I secretly wished people would start calling me out of nowhere. I found a friend but he was busy as he was going to Switzerland soon. I ended up in a family birthday party. This same day someone I love showed me beautiful things and how wrong I was about my past. It was the most important night of the last few years of my life. I woke up feeling strange because that beautiful girl that helped me so much was speaking Portuguese. How was that possible? Where was I? I calmed down. I learned. I dreamt about dreams. I dreamt about the love I lost ages ago when I left this beautiful country. People are the most important thing. I want to be right next to them in the future. I want to make sure I build something that could keep running for ever and ever.
Sunday came and I kept on eating these wonderful Portuguese sweets. I just couldn’t hold myself. For the first time I ended the day seeing TV. I didn’t see the evil box for so long I couldn’t even remember how bad it is for your health. I learned about Buddha, Nostredamus, lions, snakes and all those superficial information cable channels can give you.
Monday I saw Maria do Céu. I missed her as much as I missed my parents. Zé Boia and Andrea came around and we talked quite a bit. I miss them as well but they are extremely busy, so all we managed was to eat a nice dinner.
Today (Tuesday) I died. I couldn’t move. I wanted to call Rita, Zé, Andrea, João, Pequenão, Matilde, Luis, Pedro, Ivo, Paulo, Hugo, Beatriz, Camané, Mariana, Carolina and many other... But I just couldn’t. Some were away. Other were close but I was feeling bad about myself so I just let myself stay in there... waiting for something to happen. Inês my four year old niece came around and started playing letter games with me. I ate all those things you can’t find in England such as nice cakes and I went to the cinema to see sideways. I still need to meet almost everyone. I still want to be with everyone I met so far and learn more about all these things that have been happening to me. I love these people but I belong nowhere. I’m like a ghost waiting for its soul to be free again – and this doesn’t mean I wish I was leaving again... It means I need to find something here I’ll never find anywhere else.