I'm tired

I've been fighting ghosts
And killing destructive feelings
But I still can't get my head around it,
I still can't fly away like Dumbo...

The permanence of pain,
Even when we are sure of what we are doing,
Is the only thing we can promise
(Ourselves and all of those we love).

We should be able to give people something else
The certainty of friendship, the love of our lives,
The unconditional pleasure of a never ending chat...
But no. All we can do is to be. Show who we are now.
And that's it.

It's a petty I don't have a god because
I really feel everyone is out of the picture.
Everyone I really care is too far away
To know exactly what is happening.
And even if I told them they won't understand.
No one is my only friend.
No one and nothing are the only few things I have right now.
And even though it is like that,
Everyone thinks I have a wonderful life.
Maybe I do because I can't complain much
But that makes it one of the hardest ones to go through.

With the fake hope that three weeks with my family
And the friends that survived so far
Will change everything,
I dare to look at the near future
And say to destiny:
Bring it on! I'm ready for anything.
Shoot and we'll see what I'm really made of.

Just like it happens in Hollywood every ten minutes...