I don't know what's happening to me but I feel much better when I'm home then I ever did. Except for the photos I'll take Monday, in the Hospital where I used to be a student, I'm just going to enjoy relaxing next week. I feel an extreme need for a warm family Christmas. I won't buy presents unfortunately but I'll try to be with them and compensate for that.
I wish for people to become a little bit more aware of what they are. That's my wish for this year. If my wish comes true the world will become a much better place.
Exhibitions I'm going to see before 2005: Paula Rego (Porto), Pomar (CCB), Vieira da Silva (Lisbon).
Photos I'm going to take before 2005: Anatomy Lesson, Psychiatric wing, Black walls, Labs, E.R., Brains, Arm in a Jar, Heart in a jar, The anatomy class room, Autopsy (series), IST, Engineering, Liceu, High School.
I've been feeling angry about one situation that started to make me feel sick last summer. I wasn't expecting it to come around again during this period but it’s not my fault. Some people show how immoral they are in the most unpleasant way. Please phantoms go away. I don't need you around anymore. Go for pills instead. Go for self-destruction. Go for an irrational absence of feelings. Go for whatever makes your selfishness feel better but never turn back to talk to me. I just need you to leave me by myself with what is mine. That's it. Go away... James Joyce plagiarism is so revolting. BOOOO not mooo...
12.17.2004
Let's go... Let's do it!
I didn't post recently because I've been working non stop. For the first time in my life I didn't sleep at all during two days. But I'm Ok. I just had to do it. I wanted to do my best in a few different things and that's what happens if you push it to the limit. Now it's time to have fun, relax, and hug friends and family. It's time for the most precious things in life.
These last few days in the house were hard. We had problems with the Africans. But for me the hardest was saying goodbye. I know it's raining outside all the time. I know pubs are not as good as a bar near the sea. But the truth is I found people that I care about. I like what I do and the way I feel about me and my past in here. I think I even love Portugal in a more intense way. One day I'll explain... It was also hard saying goodbye to people with a hand shake.
I don't know what's around the corner but I like the atmosphere. Now I have to package, think about travelling back. Emotionally attach myself again.
The colours of the blog couldn’t change... It depends on how the weather is in Portugal.
This blog will probably be more personal for the next 3 weeks. Kick it.
I know lots of people have been reading it. I was happy with the comments I had. But the most relevant thing was everything else:
My dear grand mother Carmo cried when she saw it for the first time.
My family engaged and now they know what I’m working and thinking about as they always wished for.
My friends have trouble dealing with some images. They say they are moved. People cry. People comment in Portugal and England. People promised me comments but they barely wrote.
This post stands for all those comments people told me instead of writing them down. The passion crawls through the world and wonder's where the love for art is. People think People build. People. I love you.
Let’s do it... It's time to go back.
These last few days in the house were hard. We had problems with the Africans. But for me the hardest was saying goodbye. I know it's raining outside all the time. I know pubs are not as good as a bar near the sea. But the truth is I found people that I care about. I like what I do and the way I feel about me and my past in here. I think I even love Portugal in a more intense way. One day I'll explain... It was also hard saying goodbye to people with a hand shake.
I don't know what's around the corner but I like the atmosphere. Now I have to package, think about travelling back. Emotionally attach myself again.
The colours of the blog couldn’t change... It depends on how the weather is in Portugal.
This blog will probably be more personal for the next 3 weeks. Kick it.
I know lots of people have been reading it. I was happy with the comments I had. But the most relevant thing was everything else:
My dear grand mother Carmo cried when she saw it for the first time.
My family engaged and now they know what I’m working and thinking about as they always wished for.
My friends have trouble dealing with some images. They say they are moved. People cry. People comment in Portugal and England. People promised me comments but they barely wrote.
This post stands for all those comments people told me instead of writing them down. The passion crawls through the world and wonder's where the love for art is. People think People build. People. I love you.
Let’s do it... It's time to go back.
12.15.2004
I shouldn't do this to my friends and me...
(Two João Pedro photos changed and merged in photoshop)
Why is the world changing between me and those I love? Can't you see it? I’m not there when they need me. No one will know me in the end of my life but I must fight against that fact. I must FIGHT! Fight inside myself.
Sintra - Sintradas - Saudades
(Two João Pedro photos "adjusted and merged" in photoshop)
Walking or biking are the two best ways to go to this the place where I like to talk with my friends. Come along and pretend you are Zaratustra with us. Question each tree about illusion... Question the idea of love and find it.
12.12.2004
12.11.2004
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